


Amok Time

by SuperGayDad1000



Category: South Park
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Clyde and Kevin are just stupid, Fake/Pretend Relationship, High School AU, Kevin is actually a good dancer, M/M, Recreational Drug Use, Taco Bell, The angst isn't even that bad, They're 18 tho, fUCKIN NERDS, language because it's fucking south park
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-07
Updated: 2020-12-07
Packaged: 2021-03-09 22:22:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,649
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27933811
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SuperGayDad1000/pseuds/SuperGayDad1000
Summary: 8 years after coming out Tweek and Craig are still the power couple of South Park and slated to win Prom Royalty even though it’s only January and Prom isn’t until May. Clyde and Kevin make a bet to overtake the title.
Relationships: Clyde Donovan/Kevin Stoley, Craig Tucker/Tweek Tweak, Stan Marsh/Wendy Testaburger
Kudos: 14





	Amok Time

**Author's Note:**

> I just love Stolovan and apparently also overused fiction tropes. Bonus points for whoever can list each Star Trek reference at the end. <3

Amok Time

**8 years after coming out Tweek and Craig are still the power couple of South Park and slated to win Prom Royalty even though it’s only January and Prom isn’t until May. Clyde and Kevin make a bet to overtake the title.**

Kevin threw cheesy poofs across the table into Clyde’s open mouth. Craig looked on nonplussed with his arm absently stroking Tweek’s shoulder next to him. “H-h-how was your winter vacation fellas?” Jimmy asked. Token shrugged, “Didn’t do much, played video games and ate hella food”, “mmmm food” Clyde murmured. “You’re such a glutton” Kevin joked while continuing to throw cheetos at the now closed and frowning mouthed Clyde, the cheetos bounced off his round face. “Are you guys excited for our last semester of high school?” Jason volunteered. Scott nodded “Yeah, maybe we thould thart looking for chicks to take to the prom?” “Dude, that's in May, we just argh got back from winter break,” Tweek coughed out. “Easy for you to say buttwipe, you’ve had the same boyfriend for half your life and everyone still thinks you guys are the perfect couple, no doubt you guys will be prom royalty” Clyde scoffed. “Well yeah, you think they’re gonna make emo incel Stan and femcel Wendy the winning couple or those dysfunctional dickwads” Craig said while pointing towards whatever the hell Cartman or Kyle were doing, wrestling in some sort of fucked up foreplay they did to make everyone around them uncomfortable no doubt. “Anyways there’s no chance for a nerd like me to make a splash at prom, so why bother going?” Kevin added. Other boys at the table nodded in agreement. All of a sudden Clyde stood up and slammed his hands against the table, “No, we can’t think like this, it’s our senior year and damnit we’re cool as fuck, anyone can be cool as fuck under the right circumstances, look at Tweek and Craig, they’re gay and everyone goes ape shit about it, but I bet I could overtake them for prom king”, Token interrupted “with who, Bebe? She’s not gonna go for you dude, I heard she was eyeing Heidi anyways.” “No, I already have the formula for popularity, be a quirky gay couple like Tweek and Craig, I don’t need to reinvent the wheel” Clyde said proudly. “D-d-don’t you have to actually be gay for people to believe that?” Jimmy asked, “Well i’m bi, that’s like the same thing” Clyde faltered. “So what i’m hearing is that you’re going to advertise a big fake gay relationship with someone in order to get clout for prom?” Jason asked. “Hell yeah, better start sooner than later too, so I can start building that street cred and get ahead of the wannabe couples that come out in April.” Everyone at the table looked on in badly masked interest, “So who’s the lucky guy who’s gonna agree to this?” Kevin asked. Clyde got a glint in his eye “You!” He yelled and clapped his hands together joyously. “Oh hell no, everyone already thinks i’m a geek who enjoys nothing more than to do people’s homework, now they’re gonna fuck with me for being gay too!” Clyde rubbed his hands together, “No, that’s the beauty of it, you said earlier there’s no chance for a nerd like you to make a splash at prom, but imagine the scene we would cause as the nerd and football jock rainbow dream team, we would overtake Tweek and Craig’s lame ass dynamic for sure.” Everyone at the table looked on excitedly at Kevin for his response, except for Craig who only looked mildly interested in the table’s events. Kevin sighed “sure, fuck it, I don’t have anything to lose.” Clyde pumped his fist in the air “Hell yeah, bros before hoes!” The bell rang and everyone shuffled out to their classes.

Clyde caught up with Kevin while walking home after school, “So how are we coming out?” “Are we seriously going through with this?” Kevin responded. “Yeah dude, we gotta get started now and build our reputation, if we start going out the week before prom it would seem like we’re desperate for attention like all those other whores, we need to seem genuine like Tweek and Craig.” “Well if we’re gonna be an authentic gay couple we can’t just copy Tweek and Craig all the time.” Clyde rubbed his chin, “you’re right, but we’re off to a good start, we should really play up the jock and nerd angle.” “Oh c’mon Clyde, everyone knows we trade comics at lunch and that we saw the last Star Trek showing in theaters together because we fucking cosplayed, your jock image is hardly present at this point.” “Kevin you’re being a negative nancy right now and if you’re gonna be like that this relationship isn’t gonna work.” Kevin rolled his eyes at Clyde’s comment, “Look, I got an idea, you guys are playing Middle Park next Friday for football right?” “Yeah it’s gonna kick off our spring season with a guaranteed win” Clyde responded. “Then that’s it, the football game.” Clyde looked confused for a second before he grinned and slapped Kevin on the back, “That’s why you’re the brains of this operation Kev.” “Don’t act like you’re not a fucking teacher’s pet your brown nose” and they laughed before parting ways to their houses that were coincidentally next door to each other. It was probably one of the reasons they had managed to stay such good friends all this time, especially when they could open their bedroom windows and yell across the yard at each other while they played Fortnite. 

Almost two weeks had passed, the regular lunch table was operating as normal, those sitting at the table seemingly forgetting about the bet Clyde placed and dismissed it as one of his antics. But today while Kevin was throwing cheesy poofs across the table Clyde was on his A game, catching every single one. “Damn dude, what’s with you today, you got hella energy” Token remarked. “I’m just excited to beat Middle Park’s ass tonight at the game” Clyde responded and then winked at Kevin who blushed. Token looked confused at the interaction but didn’t say anything because sometimes Clyde was just weird like that. Like Clyde predicted, South Park High smashed Middle Park High 38 to 7 and as the fans stormed the field in excitement Kevin ran up to Clyde in genuine excitement too. The only difference between this game and any other game was this time Kevin was pointedly wearing Clyde’s letterman jacket. In the the time Kevin was running up to Clyde the whole world seemed to go in slow motion and the lights beaming down on the Field emphasized the sheen of Kevin’s jet black hair and the glitter of his almond shaped eyes and how he looked damn good in Clyde’s letterman jacket, at some point Clyde thought, he had started to notice the shape of Kevin’s biceps more than Bebe’s boobs, having Kevin as a best friend excited him and in moments like these Clyde wondered how their friendship could be so amazing. Alternatively Kevin ran up to Clyde, and even though Kevin was fairly tall at 5 '10, he was skinny (and toned he often reminded Clyde when Clyde tried to assert his athletic dominance) and thus the jacket fell loose on his lanky form. Clyde looked like a sweaty pig and his jersey was covered in grass stains, but beneath all the mud and B.O. there was Clyde grinning like a fucking idiot and it was directed solely at Kevin. Usually football games ended with Kevin and Clyde walking to Taco bell, sometimes they met other schoolmates or players there, but if all else failed they always managed to make it to Taco Bell to celebrate, win or lose, rain or shine. Tonight they would be breaking that tradition for the first time though, because after the game they were going to Annie’s house for a party. Time reverted back to normal when Kevin arrived in front of Clyde and they both grinned like a pair of idiots for a minute until they came down to Earth and heard the chorus of the crowd’s cheers. This was their chance, so in a show of dramatics Clyde took his helmet and held it up in the air while rapping his knuckles on it to get the attention of the swarm of high school students around him. Here was his 30 seconds to shine before the students lost their short attention span, Clyde puffed out his chest, “Here is to our first game of the season, and may all our games end in victory” the crowd cheered, Clyde looked over to Kevin and went on “And I couldn’t have done it without your support babe, i’m ready to shout out to the world from the rooftops that I love Kevin Stoley!” Clyde grabbed Kevin’s waist and dipped him like a princess (if asked about it Kevin will dispute this and say it was a very manly dip) and smashed his lips to Kevin’s, it wasn’t the most graceful kiss (they had opted not to practice), but it was passionate and authentic enough for the crowd. The crowd cheered even louder and Kevin and Clyde separated, but stayed in each other's arms for a second before being pushed apart by the crowd forcing everyone into the parking lot. A few minutes later Clyde’s sweaty mass squished himself into Kevin’s little cream puff prius, light blue like his favorite color. “This is a gay ass car Kevin,” Clyde said this every time he had to ride in Kevin’s car, “well what you just did out there was pretty fuckin gay” Kevin laughed. Internally they were both relieved as no weirdness seemed to follow the event from minutes earlier, they were in blissful ignorance for now. Before they made it to the party Kevin dicked around in Clyde’s room flipping through his comic books while Clyde showered and made himself presentable. Kevin was still wearing Clyde’s jacket, for the sake of appearances he chided, though somewhat sadly he figured at some point he would have to take it off and give it back. While scanning Clyde’s desk he saw a leather bound book, damn, he didn’t know Clyde actually read more than comic books in his free time. He flipped open the cover but it was blank so he flipped to the first page. Except it was lined paper with the chicken scratch of one Clyde Donovan. Taking notice of the dates at the top of each page he realized this was some sort of journal, not a light novel Clyde was reading. Horrified Kevin made a move to put it back. In the other room he heard the shower stop, so he reasoned he still had a good 15 minutes before Clyde emerged from the bathroom ready to go. Curiosity got the best of him, I probably already know all this stuff anyways Kevin reasoned as he opened it to a random page. 

_x/x/x Today Kevin and I saw the new star wars movie, ngl Kylo Ren was hot as fuck in that one shirtless scene but I would never tell Kevin that or else he would hold that over my head forever._

Kevin laughed, he totally would, but Clyde would deserve it after making fun of him for admitting Wolverine was hot. 

_x/x/x Sometimes when I'm feeling down I pray to my mom down by Stark’s pond and I know she is listening in my heart. But today when I prayed to her about Craig’s sick guinea pig Stripe later I heard a rock hit my window and when I looked out and opened it up Craig and Tweek and all them were standing outside my window and Craig was cradling Stripe in the air, “Clyde she got over it, her pneumonia is gone” and Craig actually smiled. I’m so glad to have friends like these guys that I immediately rushed downstairs so we could all go to Petco and get celebration gifts for Stripe._

He remembered that day, it ended up with them getting kicked out of Petco after Clyde insisted to a worker he wanted to hold the bearded dragon and as soon as he touched it he screamed and dropped it, thankfully Kevin caught it midair, but the worker was not very amused. 

_x/x/x Today was Tweek’s birthday so we had a super manly sleepover party at his house like old times except this time we were a little high due to the joint Jimmy brought, he has a medical marijuana card, it’s awesome. We watched WWE on the big screen and yelled for the Undertaker to take out the folding chair as if he could hear us and then screamed when he finally did. At the end of the night we all passed out on the floor, except Tweek who was the birthday king and got to sleep on the couch. When I woke up Kevin was snuggled against me, his skinniness seemed to fit in perfectly with my chub and we were like a best friend sandwich. I didn’t really mind it, in fact it was kind of nice, so I went back to sleep._

Kevin blushed at that last one, he barely remembered that and when he woke up he made sure to slink out of Clyde’s arms without waking him up. Kevin heard the lock on the bathroom door unclick and he threw the journal haphazardly onto the desk. “You ready to go dude?” he asked without looking up. “Yeah Kev, but we’re taking my car since it’s more badass” Clyde responded. Kevin looked up and Clyde had his bangs swept back from their usual shaggy state and donned a Broncos t-shirt, Kevin felt his stomach flutter at the sight but chalked it up to the nerves of going to a big party. Kevin and Clyde pulled up to Annie’s house in Clyde’s “super badass” chevy trailblazer which was only badass if you were a soccer mom really. Clyde and Kevin exited the vehicle and walked toward the front stoop, “Wait shouldn’t we be holding hands'' Kevin whispered, “Oh yeah quick thinking” Clyde replied before grabbing Kevin’s hand. When they walked in the front door the party was already in full swing thanks to the time it took Clyde to beautify himself. Yet as they walked through the front door holding hands everything went silent except for the blaring rapping of Wiz Khalifa from the speakers. The host Annie, a bit tipsy already, held her beer up “to the next south park high power couple!” she yelled. Everyone cheered before getting back into the swing of things. Somehow halfway through the night Kevin ended up sitting and sipping his drink next to a buzzed Clyde who was playing poker with Bebe, Wendy, Stan, Token, Red, and Kenny. Bebe giggled and turned to Kevin, who’s presence had been largely ignored up to this point, but he had been content to watch, “Kevin, baby, please tell me how you and Clyde got together, I can’t believe I never suspected!” she giggled again. “Hey, how come you asked Kevin to tell the story and not me?” Clyde said indignantly. “Because you always go off on tangents Clyde,” Bebe rolled her eyes. Kevin cleared his throat, Clyde and him hadn’t really agreed on a backstory when they were planning, usually getting distracted by video games. “Well you see since freshman year Clyde and I have always been going to Taco Bell after football games, except for tonight of course, and Clyde always gets the chalupa crunchwrap supreme meximelt and earlier this year one time he bit into it so voraciously that some spilled on his chin, so by reflex I brushed my finger against his mouth to wipe it off, now that sounds totally unsexy, but never before wiping his face with my hand had I noticed the fullness of Clyde’s pouty lips and the depth of his hazel eyes and felt his soft skin under my fingers like that. Of course this was not the beginning of our relationship, but it was like a switch flipped in me and I couldn’t unsee Clyde as perfect. But I knew he felt the same when over winter break my parents went out for a long weekend and I didn’t want to be alone in my house, and since Clyde is so brave he offered to spend the night. And during the night I heard something in the yard and without a thought he grabbed a kitchen knife and ran to the backyard and fought off the intruder. I was so proud of him that I couldn’t help but grab him and kiss the lips I had been admiring for months and he kissed back and ever since then we’ve been in love,” Kevin folded his hands and looked down meekly. Clyde’s eyes were watering and he wiped his eyes with the hand not holding his deck of cards, “Kev, that’s the most beautiful story I've ever heard.” Stan looked unamused, “Clyde you were there”, “Pssh yeah, Kevin is just a really good story teller” he retorted. Except those stories were based on true stories, Kevin had wiped taco bell off of Clyde’s mouth before and he never thought about how gay that could be. And Clyde had fought off an intruder at Kevin’s house during winter break, well sort of. Kevin yelled about something in his backyard and yelled at Clyde to go check but Clyde was all “hell nah i’m not getting axe murdered in your house, you do it” and then Kevin threatened to spoil the ending to the comic Clyde hadn’t read yet so Clyde grabbed a knife from the kitchen and when he opened the sliding glass door to the backyard it was just a cat going after a mouse in Kevin’s backyard. He still screamed though and when Kevin came down to see a cat rubbing itself on Clyde’s legs he remarked “my hero” and laughed at him. But the way Kevin told it sounded so beautiful and heroic and he wondered if Kevin really believed what he said because it sounded pretty authentic to Clyde. Wendy clasped her hands together, “Wow Kevin, were you guys totally pining for each other without knowing it, that’s so romantic” she said. Red nodded her head “yeah, it’s like I have always seen you guys be at each other’s sides as if you've always been there and always will.” Kevin snickered at the unintentional Star Trek reference and briefly imagined himself as the stoic and logical Commander Spock with Clyde as the charismatic and cunning Captain Kirk by his side. Token grinned, “I can’t believe you guys actually went through with this-”, Clyde cut him off with a frown, “You heard Red, it’s meant to be Token.” Token laughed but said nothing and kept to himself about the bet. The poker game returned to normal until a few minutes later Kenny had thought of his two cents to add to the Clyde and Kevin conversation. He started out slowly and eyed Clyde and Kevin to gauge their reactions, “so how’s the sex?” Kevin turned red as a tomato and Clyde stuttered in his incoherent response, before either of them could say something coherent Bebe butted in, “obviously Kevin is a power bottom guys” and Token, enjoying his friend’s misery, said “No Clyde is such a baby, you guys know that, he has to be bottom.” Wendy looked thoughtful and said “Maybe they switch”, “boooooring take Wendy, that doesn’t tell us who wears the pants in the relationship” Red retorted. Kevin found his voice and piped up “Hey now your preference for sexual position does not indicate who wears the pants in the relationship, that is biased and discriminatory”, “you’re right Bebe, Kev is def a power bottom” Kenny agreed. At the other end of the table Stan groaned and looked sick, “guys let’s just play the game.” Everyone shrugged and went back to playing, except for Kevin who went to take a breath of fresh air. Clyde got up soon after and followed, not interested in continuing that line of questioning, as they walked out of the room Kenny snickered and commented something about them finishing what they started. Kevin sat on the stoop of the back door deck stairs and Clyde scooted up next to him, they didn’t say anything for a minute until Clyde fished a pen out of his pocket. “Do I wanna know how long that was sitting in there?” Kevin chuckled. “Probably not, but I'm sure it’s fine, been saving it for the right moment” Clyde remarked. Kevin nodded his head and took the pen that Clyde fished from his pocket, Kevin wouldn’t say he was a stoner, but sometimes it was nice to blow off some steam. They passed the pen in silence for a few minutes and Kevin finally said “I just don’t wanna be known as the geeky bottom, it totally enforces my stereotype as a pushover in school”, “Oh c’mon Kev, it just makes sense, I’m bigger than you-”, “only width wise”, “and i’m the jock remember”, “but if we were a real couple we wouldn’t just do what people think we should do, we would do what we want.” Clyde looked thoughtful for a moment, “so you wanna be the top?” “I mean I guess, it’s more about the principle of the thing y’know?” “Okay, if people ask, although they really don’t have the right to know, I'll tell em’ you’re the top.” “Really?” “Yeah I don’t give a fuck, Token’s right, I am a baby, it makes more sense.” Kevin grabbed Clyde and wrapped him in a bear hug. They heard a gruff voice behind them and they broke apart “Gaywads”, Clyde turned around and gave his best Craig impression and flipped the guy off, “Fuck off Cartman, just because you aren’t out yet doesn’t mean you can be a dick to people.” Cartman looked unfazed and fished a cigarette from his coat, lit it, and blew a puff of smoke in Clyde’s face. Clyde scrunched up his nose and coughed while Kevin dragged Clyde off the step, “C’mon Clyde, this dope isn’t worth it anyhow”, “Yeah listen to your fugly girlfriend” Cartman yelled after them, the two were only offended for a minute before they laughed at the scene that unfolded behind them, Kyle had come out and grabbed the cigarette from Cartman’s hand and had began lecturing him about the dangers of smoking, not so badass now was he. 

It had been a month since Kevin and Clyde “came out” and everything was running smoothly. Now football games ended with a whole crowd at Taco bell instead of just the two of them and people were surprised to find themselves attracted to Kevin’s dry wit. Clyde was happy people were finally accepting his friend as more than a walking stereotype. In fact Kevin was becoming quite popular, he was tall, thin, smart, witty, and very perceptive. At Taco Bell girls latched onto his side in the booth asking him various things. Clyde felt himself become a bit jealous that this was his boyfriend and he was supposed to be clinging to his super awesome biceps, but he chided himself as their relationship wasn’t real, in fact nothing really had changed in their friendship except the occasional hand hold and peck on the lips before class. Last week the guys were doing a study group together for the upcoming Earth Science test and Clyde had subconsciously snaked his arm around Kevin’s shoulder and his hand rubbed the back of Kevin’s head as he listened to Jimmy stutter and explain the intricacies of the carbon cycle. Kevin leaned into Clyde’s touch and relaxed. Craig’s nasally tone interrupted Jimmy's explanation, “You know you guys don’t have to keep up the act here.” Clyde frowned and unhooked his arm from Kevin’s shoulders and huffed, “says the one touching thighs with Tweek right now.” Craig rolled his eyes, “Well we’re actually together”, “that doesn’t mean you can be a dick Craig” Clyde retorted. Craig flipped him off. “Ah geez, it doesn’t matter, let’s just study” Tweek spat out. Clyde kept glaring at Craig for calling attention to the fact that he just liked to touch Kevin even if they weren’t acting. And now at Taco Bell Kevin was across the table and too far away to touch for reassurance. Clyde told himself he was overreacting and just annoyed they had lost for the first time this season tonight to Pueblo, but he lost this semblance of control when he saw this girl Marcy, curvy with big brown curly hair and big brown doe eyes, lean up to Kevin’s ear and whisper something, in which they both laughed. Kevin’s eyes crinkled in the way they did when he was truly entertained and it didn’t sit well in Clyde’s stomach. Clyde huffed and left to go on a walk around the block to clear his head even though it was over something totally stupid. Somehow Clyde ended up at South Park Elementary and was drawn towards the swing set and realized what a scene he made by stalking out the Taco Bell without a word, but maybe no one had noticed. It was February and still biting cold and faintly snowing so Clyde rubbed his gloveless hands together for some warmth. A figure popped up and sat on the swing next to him. He recognized him as Pete, one of the goth kids. Pete pulled a cigarette out from his case and lit it “You wanna drag?” he asked Clyde. Clyde was cold and shivering and even though it wasn’t his thing he thought it might help pump some blood through his veins so he accepted, although as soon as he took a drag he regretted it and coughed up a lung. Pete laughed lightly, a little tinkly sound that did not match his vibe, “So what the hell are you doing over here being all emo, you know that personally offends my goth senses.” Clyde smiled, “I should ask you why the hell you’re doing practically the same thing and on a Friday night no less.” Pete took an agonizingly slow drag and finally said “I like to come here to think sometimes, you know after Micheal died I always imagine him in that corner over by the garbage bins smoking a cigarette like old times,” he nodded toward the side of the school and continued, “it’s easier to sort out my thoughts when I come here and pretend he’s still here and talk to him.” Clyde gulped with wet tears threatening to break free, thinking of his own ritual with his mother, and nodded. “Well now my reason just sounds stupid” Clyde said, finally getting the hang of smoking a cigarette. Pete smiled, “Okay normie, lay it on me, humor me or i’ll start reciting Edgar Allen Poe to amuse myself.” Clyde laughed a deep laugh, “Okay okay please don’t, I hate poetry, but basically Kevin and I have been fake dating for clout for a month now and he’s getting real popular at school and for some reason when I see girls hanging onto him I get real mad, I know it doesn’t make sense and we’re not even actually dating, but here I am, being emo about it anyways.” Pete looked at Clyde incredulously, “Wait you guys aren’t legit, honestly with the way you guys look at each other and pass notes and shit in class I thought you were disgustingly in love, it made me want to barf.” Clyde laughed with hurt in his voice, “no he’s just really getting into this acting thing, I mean sure he likes dudes, especially Hugh Jackman, but we’re not like that, we’ve always been best friends since the day we played pirates together in the 4th grade.” Pete didn’t say anything so Clyde went on “And I mean I thought it was a good idea to be in a fake relationship to win prom king or whatever, but now it just seems stupid if i’m gonna lose my best friend to a bunch of posers. Kevin and I always walked to school together and now people wanna spend time with us because we give off wholesome gay rainbow vibes or some dumb shit like that and we’re never alone anymore. The next Ant-Man movie is coming out next week and I don’t know if we’re even gonna go because Marcy wants to go to the mall and Bebe wants to get shoes and Wendy is always recruiting him for something, and why do I even care this much augh!” Clyde threw down his hands and stomped the dying cigarette into the snow with his boots. Pete replied “you’re right, they are a bunch of posers, so what are you gonna do now?” Clyde huffed, “Probably let it spiral out of control until I get my ass kicked for being a pussy ass cry-baby by Craig, i’ll just play it up while it lasts, Kevin doesn’t have to know i’m not acting.” Pete just shrugged as he wasn’t in the business of giving advice to grown ass people who can solve their own problems and he pulled out another cigarette from his pocket. Suddenly a voice echoed from across the playground, “Clyde is that you?” and Kevin walked over while shoving his hands in his coat pocket, “Where’d you go man, you didn’t even finish your chalupa, I can’t even remember the last time that happened.” Clyde shrugged, “I just needed some fresh air”, “by smoking with Pete?” Kevin wrinkled his nose. Pete looked un-offended and took another drag. “Yeah i’m fine now, thanks for talking Pete” and Clyde got up from the swing and walked with Kevin to his gay little prius parked in front of the school. Once inside the car Kevin turned to Clyde, “what did you guys talk about? I didn’t even know you were friends with Pete”, “We were just talking about Edgar Allen Poe, he’s my favorite poet you know.” Kevin frowned, obviously not believing Clyde, “you fucking hate poetry”, “well maybe I didn’t read the right poems before Kevin.” There was a growing hostile energy in the car, “what the fuck is up tonight Clyde, first you ditch, then you’re smoking cigarettes and discussing (in air quotes) ‘poetry’ with Pete, and now you’re being a condescending dickhole.” Clyde crossed his arms in the passenger seat, “well maybe you would have noticed I was gone sooner if you weren’t preoccupied.” Kevin scoffed, “Oh don’t start Clyde, you’re jealous of women that i’m not even physically attracted to, and even if I was who you are to say I can’t act on it when we’re not even actually together.” Clyde’s eyes watered and they pulled up in front of their houses, “I bet you weren’t even gonna ask if I wanted to see Ant-Man next week instead of go to the stupid mall” and he got out and slammed the car door before Kevin could say anything and ran up to his house. The two friend’s fight seemed to go unacknowledged though as Kevin assumed his fairly new position next to Clyde at the lunch table on Monday. Jimmy was telling some joke about lesbian farmers but Kevin had tuned him out to study Clyde’s features, Clyde was laughing at whatever asinine thing Jason had said in response to Jimmy’s joke and his eyes crinkled in this perfect way. If an alien came to Earth and asked for a picture of the perfect smile Kevin was sure it would be Clyde Donovan’s, hands down. He knew what he had to do so he tapped Clyde’s shoulder to get his attention, “you wanna see the new Ant-Man movie this weekend?” and Kevin had to take back what he just said in his mind, if that last smile was the perfect smile, the smile now aimed toward him had the power to light a thousand suns and completely overwrote the idea of what perfect was. All the tension between the two from a few days ago faded away.

It was March and also the day of Token’s 18th birthday and as was the fashion in his extravagant family everyone in town was invited, there was a live band, a DJ, an ice sculpture, a bouncy house, and much to Clyde’s enjoyment, a chocolate fountain. Now this was the definition of class Clyde thought while dipping a cupcake into the chocolate fountain. With a plate of goodies covered in chocolate, including strawberries and bananas to a hot dog and a pickle, Clyde sauntered over to his buddies table. Craig just looked disgusted. “Wh-wh-what the hell is that?” Jimmy asked, pointing to Clyde’s plate, “uh chocolate covered food, what the hell do you think a chocolate fountain is for?” “Is that a hot dog?” Kevin asked. “Uh yeah,” Clyde responded, Jason made a gagging sound. Token came up behind Clyde and patted him on the shoulder, “glad to see you’re taking advantage of the amenities Clyde” he joked. Clyde nodded and garbled out the words “thank you” in between the food he was stuffing in his mouth. Token laughed, “Okay just so you know there’s gonna be a dance competition in 5 minutes.” “Augh that’s too much pressure!” Tweek commented. Tweek may not have been the dancing type and Clyde wasn’t that great himself, but he also had undeserved confidence and he knew Kevin could kick it, so he abandoned his half empty plate and dragged Kevin from his chair and ran to the dance floor. The other guys at the table just shook their heads, “good luck” Scott wished. Lil’ Wayne was playing and that was Clyde’s shit, so he was determined to get down. Kevin on the other hand was a bit more hesitant, “Hey man i’ll just watch and cheer you on” he said. “Hell nah, my fake boyfriend can’t not dance with me because that would never happen with my real boyfriend.” Kevin looked unamused, “Clyde you know I hate dancing in front of people”, “Think of this as practice for prom” Clyde shouted while he was doing the nae nae. Kevin rolled his eyes and let himself sway to the music for a minute until Clyde came up to his ear and whispered “come on Kev, i’ve seen you dance better than that, remember when you made me watch Grease with you, channel your inner Travolta moves”, “Yeah that was just in front you, i’m not gonna look like a dumbass in front of all these people”, “Kevin you always look like a dumbass, but that’s what I love about you.” Kevin didn’t really appreciate the first part of that comment but he smiled nonetheless, “You know how I made you memorize the dance from Footloose, well it’s time to put it into action." Clyde pumped his fist in the air and grabbed Kevin’s shoulders, “That’s the Kevin I know.” Although Clyde was absolutely the opposite of grace, his confidence made up for it and the crowd cheered. Kevin meanwhile possessed the skill in dance that his partner lacked, probably from the dance classes his mother had made him take to be more cultured. A crowd had formed around the two who seemed to be in their own world giggling and sweaty and putting on their best Kevin Bacon dance moves. When the song had ended there was a clear winner, Token went up to the mic, “and our best dancer is… Kevin Stoley!” Kevin returned to Earth and turned a bright shade of red but nonetheless accepted the screams and sweaty hugs of the teenagers around him. The DJ got back on the mic, “and now to recover from that last bop, a slow dance, all those couples better get on the floor.” Before Kevin could oppose the idea Clyde had him wrapped up in his arms. Clyde was sweaty as hell, but it reminded Kevin of football games, and that was good enough for him. Meanwhile Clyde liked when Kevin let himself be free and finally the world could see why Clyde had spent so much time befriending this guy. The song started with the lilt of the singer’s voice and Clyde awkwardly grabbed at Kevin’s sides and Kevin set his hands on Clyde’s shoulders, but after a few missteps and toes crushed Kevin groaned. He leaned over to Clyde’s ear and whispered, “Let me take charge dumbass, you couldn’t be coordinated for your life unless it included throwing or catching a ball”, “Hey Kevin is that a gay joke, because I do not just like balls, I also like boobs and-” “Clyde, shut the fuck up” and Kevin moved Clyde’s hands to his shoulders and Kevin hands found Clyde’s waist. Kevin would move to the side and Clyde would follow in step. Clyde was getting kind of tired, probably from the impending food coma and dancing too hard, so he figured it wouldn’t be so bad if he rested his head under Kevin’s chin, even if they were awkwardly pretty close in height. Kevin could smell Clyde’s strawberry shampoo, he was very adamant that girls couldn’t hog all the best shampoo flavors in which Kevin pointed out that calling them flavors implied Clyde was going to eat them. The dance passed in silence, Kevin closed his eyes and enjoyed the feeling of another body pressed against his, even if this body was very warm and sweaty and the body of his best friend/fake boyfriend. Kevin saw the other couples around him whispering sweet nothings and making out and he told himself it was just for appearances, but he lifted Clyde’s chin and pressed his lips to the other boy’s. Kevin would then blame the teenage hormones in the air and the taste of chocolate on Clyde’s lips, but they stayed there for a while, lips barely moving in a slow kiss and Kevin knew this was kind of fucked up. It wasn’t until the song ended that they broke apart and they just stared at each other, Kevin opened his mouth to say something but Red ran up to him, “Kevin! Marcy needs your help, she’s having a breakdown and said she would only talk to you.” Clyde scowled but Kevin just shrugged at him and followed Red. Clyde returned to his beloved chocolate fountain looking for a dorito to dip in it. Craig sidled up to him, Tweek was not by his side this time. “Damn you guys are going pretty far for this stupid prom thing” Craig said. “What are you talking about dude?” Clyde responded. “I dunno, you tell me, you’ve been more moody than usual lately when Kevin goes off to do his thing and when I look over at the dance floor y’all are making out and making goo goo eyes. You should have joined theater instead of football if you were such a good actor Clyde”, “Oh you’re so funny Craig, you act like you’re the authority on gay people just because you’re gay and have never had a relationship problem in your life”, “You know that’s not true Clyde, Tweek and I have had plenty of relationship problems and you’ve seen em’, he’s got some issues and I can be pretty insensitive, but we always work it out, but to solve a problem you have to admit you have one first”, “I don’t know what you’re getting at Craig”, “you’re stupid act doesn’t work on me dipshit, i’ve known you since preschool idiot.” Clyde groaned, “just let me drown my sorrows in chocolate”, “I don’t know how the hell you aren’t morbidly obese Clyde, let’s just go find Kevin and get this over with.” Clyde put down his plate and followed Craig like a kicked puppy. They went into the house and heard a woman’s and a man’s voice coming from a nearby room and they assumed it was Kevin and Marcy. The door was slightly ajar and Craig gestured for Clyde to go in the door. Clyde peeked his head through the door, “Hey Kev I gotta talk to you-” Clyde stopped mid sentence as he saw Marcy all up on Kevin practically eating his face off. Clyde immediately turned around and fled. He didn’t even bother getting in the car, instead running to his favorite spot where he would usually talk to his mom, and no one knew about it, it was a clearing in the woods by Stark’s pond with the perfect fallen log to lean back on and think. 

When Kevin had heard Marcy was having a panic attack he was prepared to help talk her through it since he seemed to be so important to her. Except when he stepped through the door into the guest bedroom she was in she didn’t seem to be upset at all. She smiled at him and patted the space on the bed next to her. He gave her the benefit of the doubt since she seemed like a nice girl and he sat next to her. She leaned into his chest and grabbed his arms, “I’m so glad you came over here Kevin, I was all worked up and you are able to soothe me so easily.” He awkwardly patted her back, “I'm glad I could help, do you want to talk about it?”, “Not really, but there is one thing you could do for me” she said, “Oh, what is it?”, “this” and she leaned forward and unlike the tender kiss he had shared with Clyde mere minutes ago this one was a forceful clash of lips and teeth and he did not enjoy it at all. She forced herself all the way into Kevin’s lap and before he got the chance to push her and tell her to fuck off the last person he wanted to see right now peeked his head in the room, but just as soon as he was there he was gone. Kevin felt terrible, even though he technically wasn’t doing anything wrong. He got off the bed and turned and pointed to Marcy, “Look what the hell you did, I don’t even like women, what the fuck were you thinking” and he ran out the room. Clyde was nowhere to be seen, but Craig was standing there and he shook his head “Fucking bitches am I right?” Kevin didn’t acknowledge this comment and thought of all the places Clyde could be. Clyde had given Kevin his car keys because he always managed to misplace his stuff, so Kevin hopped in the trailblazer and drove to Clyde’s house, nothing, Taco Bell, nothing, South Park Elementary, nothing. Then he remembered something from Clyde’s journal he had read months ago, Clyde liked to go to Stark’s Pond when he wanted to be alone, Kevin finally had a good reason for having read his journal. Of course he could just wait until Clyde got back, but he had to make sure Clyde knew Kevin wasn’t trying to hurt him, it was Marcy’s fault, although to be fair Clyde never liked Marcy from the beginning and didn’t really hide it, he hoped Clyde wouldn’t say “I told ya so.” After 20 minutes of searching the surrounding area of Stark’s pond Kevin found Clyde leaning against a log with his eyes closed and mouth slightly open. Kevin didn’t want to spook Clyde, but when he stepped on a nearby branch it gave away his presence and Clyde’s eyes flew open. “Uh hey Clyde” Kevin said as he seated himself a few inches away from Clyde’s form. Clyde eyed him warily, Kevin continued, “You know you were right about Marcy, she must have thought she could turn me straight or something” and Kevin laughed uncomfortably. There was a beat of silence before Clyde said “fucking bitches man,” Kevin laughed for real this time, “That’s what Craig said.” Clyde turned his head to face Kevin, “yeah I think I owe an apology to Craig, he was right”, “about what?” Kevin asked, “Oh it’s not a big deal, anyways i’m not mad at you, Marcy’s hot as fuck.” Kevin was confused at this turn of events but he decided not to question it and decided not to look the gift horse in the mouth. Clyde continued on, “Anyways that was a pretty good act on the dance floor Kev, what stunt are we pulling next?” Kevin didn’t like the way that was phrased because he thought the kiss was quite nice, but instead he just said “Uh I guess we could wear matching outfits for the school spirit dress up day on Tuesday”, “now that’s the stuff” Clyde said. 

Now it was April, prom was officially one month away, but this was the furthest thing on his mind though while Clyde argued with Jimmy as what constituted as the best comedy in existence. “It’s Superbad duh, it has the quadfecta of Seth Rogen, Bill Hader, Jonah Hill, and Michael Cera'', “I mean it was f-funny, but the the best comedy of all time w-was Monty Python and the Holy Grail.” Clyde stared at Jimmy, “Dude British people can’t be funny, that’s like illegal here or something.” Token face palmed, but before the conversation could devolve any further Butters ran up to the table yelling “Guys, guys! Bebe and Heidi are totally lesbians, I have to tell everyone, oh hamburgers!” and he ran off as soon as he had come. Token laughed, “I called that months ago!” Jason butted in, “that’s totally hot, they’re probably gonna be the biggest power couple on campus now”, “Hey what the fuck” Clyde said indignantly while grabbing Kevin. Jason rolled his eyes “you guys aren’t actually gay for each other, besides, guys like watching lesbians, not other guys”, “That’s fucking gross Jason” Tweek said, “yeah we rethpect women here” Scott added. “Well Bebe and Heidi aren’t stealing my thunder” Clyde slammed his fist on the table. “Looks like they already did” Craig said in monotone while a bunch of people crowded around the girls table. Later that day while walking home from school Clyde turned to Kevin, “we’re breaking them up right?” Kevin snorted, “wait are you still on the Heidi and Bebe thing? Maybe it’s just a phase, I give it a week”, “a phase Kevin! You heard Token, they’ve been eyeing each other since January, this is totally gonna ruin our momentum.” Kevin rolled his eyes, “The more you get worked up about this the more pathetic this whole scheme seems”, “Don’t talk to me about pathetic when you cried watching Wreck It Ralph last week”, “that is not equatable to this situation at all!” “Uh yeah it is, I'm a manly man because I didn’t cry”, “if you’re so manly then why is your favorite song Love is a Battlefield”, “Excuse me but real men recognize art when they hear it Kevin”, “Whatever, so are we upstaging Bebe and Heidi or what?”, “uh duh, isn’t that obvious.” By the end of the week news about Heidi and Bebe had spread through the school like wildfire and everyone fawned over the pair, but Clyde had a plan, see today was the final football game of the spring season and just like the beginning of the season, they were going to for sure end on a win against Keystone. Clyde talked to the AV club kids in charge of the box and then he talked to the marching band kids and to the cheerleaders, with whom Red was the head of and felt very badly about the Marcy incident, everything was set in place for halftime. The first half passed quickly, Clyde was in his element, AKA sweaty guys playing with balls, and they were leading 14 to 3. As the team exited the field for halftime and sat on the bench watching the show an announcement came from the box, “please direct your attention to the field for a very special halftime show directed by Clyde Donovan.” The band started playing and the cheerleaders danced and shook their pom poms, Clyde stepped up to the field and looked at Kevin who was half fallen over laughing before Clyde had even begun the best part. A cheerleader handed him a mic and he began belting out the lyrics to _Melt With You_ by Modern English. His coach on the sidelines pinched his nose in annoyance, Clyde was susceptible to moments of dramatics and this was the most dramatic stunt he had pulled yet, and at a season finale game no less. “I'll stop the world and melt with you, I've seen some changes but it's getting better all the time, There's nothing you and I won't do, I'll stop the world and melt with you” Clyde sung off key into the mic, his confidence was unmatchable. Kevin had the decency to look impressed at the boy serenading him at a football game and as the song came to an end all the cheerleaders gave one last hurrah before the third quarter resumed. As Clyde walked back to the bench Token laughed, “That was iconic Clyde”, “Hey I have an image to keep Token, you would do the same.” Token nodded in agreement, mostly to shut Clyde up before he got on another tangent. At the end of the game people swarmed the field like many other times and spouted on about how they wished someone had the balls to serenade them at a big event, how brave and romantic. Kevin grabbed Clyde’s shoulders, “That’s my boyfriend, the hopeless romantic since day 1” and the crowd cooed. Later that night, surrounded by half the student population of South Park High in a Taco Bell Clyde and Kevin smiled at each other, they were back on top.

It was the first week of May and two weeks to prom. Promposal season was in full swing, ranging from the quiet whispers of meek requests to a date to the prom to giant posters and fireworks and bouquets of chicken mcnuggets. Ever since the football stunt Clyde and Kevin were on top of the social hierarchy and hamming it up, in fact Clyde was starting to consider the grave mistake that he really should have done theater. Clyde and Kevin agreed that it would be too hard to one up the football stunt and decided to keep the promposal lowkey and all was well as everyone already assumed they were going together anyway. Talks of who would be prom royalty circulated throughout the school and votes would be cast next Friday, a week before prom. Wendy had been hanging out with Kevin lately now that it was socially acceptable to hang out with him and as such recruited him to the prom committee. Clyde was fine with that since he was colorblind and would probably fuck up the decorations anyways, he didn’t even understand how one was supposed to decorate for a fire and ice themed prom, why didn’t they just pick fire or ice or something normal like under the sea. But that meant today at lunch Kevin was eating lunch with the committee to discuss last minute prom stuff and before Clyde could go sit with the guys Stan pulled him aside outside the cafeteria, “hey dude can I talk to you?” Clyde wasn’t that close with Stan, but he was an alright dude, kinda boring and emo tho, “yeah sure dude, what’s up?”, “Look, Wendy is obsessed with that football stunt you did for Kevin and I think she’s expecting me to do some big promposal even though we’ve been together for fucking ever, what do I do?” This was not what he expected, Clyde thought Stan was gonna ask to copy his homework last minute or tell him to stop radiating so much big dick energy, “uhhh aren’t you in a band or something, maybe you could write a song for her,” Stan stood as he considered it for a minute, “would you help me, you seem so in tune with this gushy romantic stuff” he pleaded. Again, unexpected. “I guess-”, “great” Stan interrupted, “meet me at my house after school” and before Clyde could respond Stan walked away. While Kevin and Clyde walked home after school Kevin told Clyde about the prom committee and Clyde half listened as he realized he didn’t know jack shit about songwriting. He stopped when he realized this was the turn to Stan’s street, Clyde cut Kevin off “Hey Kev, sorry, I gotta do something today, catch you later” and Kevin looked confused but waved him off. When Clyde knocked on the door Stan seemed to already be there and opened the door before quickly pulling Clyde in, “Look I don’t want Wendy seeing you here, then she’ll suspect that you helped me and it won’t be my hard work”, “I mean I am helping you though”, “that’s not the point asswipe.” Clyde crossed his arms, being insulted was not what he expected when Stan asked him to help him. Stan, noticing Clyde’s tense stance, sighed “Look i’m sorry for saying that, i’m just stressed out about this, Wendy always expects this shit like I spend all my time watching rom coms and have memorized every romantic trope”, “yeah that sounds pretty fuckin gay” Clyde snickered. Stan gave Clyde a look but didn’t comment on it, “come up to my room, it’ll be quieter to work there.” After two hours of brainstorming they only got as far as the fact that Wendy likes pink, is a strong independent woman, and she really likes when Stan massages her calves. Clyde was fucking tired and rubbed his eyes, “Okay my dad is expecting me for dinner dude, inspiration will probably come to you when you’re going to bed,” as he got up from his position on the floor Stan grabbed his arm, “come back tomorrow right?” God he didn’t realize this guy was so needy, “yeah sure whatever” and Clyde walked back home. The next day followed much the same except that Kevin opted to sit with the AV crew at lunch, they had formed a connection after the football stunt, Kevin called it reaching out to all the demographics before the vote. Clyde huffed and ate his ham sandwich with Jimmy who was talking about writing his comedy routine for prom. Afterschool Clyde helped Stan and they got a bit farther in songwriting, but not by much. The following day was again the same with Kevin ditching him for some other group and Clyde reluctantly going to help Stan with his song. Almost a week had passed of this monotonous crap and Clyde was starting to get real fed up with the way his week was going, votes were being cast on Friday and it seemed like he hadn’t hung out with Kevin in ages. He did have a revelation about Stan’s song though and when he went to Stan’s that afternoon he came out with it, “Dude just perform a cover, you don’t have to write a song if someone else already did all the hard work”, “yeah but then she’s gonna know I didn’t write it dumbass”, “no just pick some obscure song she wouldn’t know”, after scanning Youtube they settled on _Wonderin’_ by Nicole Reynolds. It was settled, tomorrow during homeroom with the help of Clyde’s new AV club connections Stan would sing the song on a class broadcast and ask Wendy to prom. Clyde was proud of himself for being such a romantic evil genius, the power of it coursed through his veins and when he went home he stopped by Kevin’s and knocked on his door to tell him. Except when Kevin’s mom opened the door she said Kevin wasn’t home and that he was at Bebe’s house for dinner. Annoyed Clyde turned and went home, how the hell are people supposed to think we’re together if we haven’t even hung out in a week.

To say Kevin was enjoying his recent popularity was an understatement, people finally recognized him as multifaceted person and not just a geek to do your homework, if he knew all it took was the occasional profession of undying love with Clyde he would have started fake dating him sooner, it didn’t really change their friendship except for the occasional PDA. The only thing was that his time with Clyde seemed to become more and more scarce, but Clyde had other friends, he’d be fine. Well that’s what he thought until Thursday morning came around and Clyde looked pissed to say the least, “you didn’t say you were gonna go to Bebe’s for dinner last night”, “oh i’m just supposed to tell you everything, it’s not like you’ve been that descriptive about your whereabouts lately.” Clyde huffed, “whatever, votes are tomorrow at lunch, this is our last chance to make an impression” and he plastered on a smile and grabbed Kevin’s hand while walking through the school doors, “Oh honey, i’m so glad we found each other this year, where would I be without you, you’re so prefect” Clyde cooed loudly. Kevin got the hint, “Love you too honey.” Clyde scowled for a moment, “that’s a lame ass response” he whispered harshly. Kevin just shrugged and pecked Clyde on the cheek before heading to homeroom. The entire 10 minutes before the bell rang Clyde stewed in his seat, what the fuck was he even doing, this whole scheme was backfiring because Kevin’s popularity was dragging them apart. Then an announcement came on the loudspeaker, “This is for my girlfriend Wendy” and some guitar chords peeked through the static of the speakers, Stan’s melodic voice carried above the strums of the guitar, _“My heart is made of instruments, That strum this song for you, They bend and twist each simple pitch, In hopes you’ll feel it too.”_ Damn I was good Clyde thought, I could be a songwriter after high school, but then he cancelled that thought after he remembered him and Stan just found that song on the internet and didn’t actually write it. Clyde serenaded Kevin in front of the whole school and what was Kevin doing right now, probably thinking about the prom committee or Hugh Jackman or some shit. Clyde decided he had enough of this bullshit, if Kevin was gonna become a poser like the people they were trying to deceive then it was better to sever their relationship sooner than later. On the walk home Clyde kept conversation to a minimum and the next morning at break instead of going to cast votes at lunch like the rest of the student body Clyde and Kevin were arguing in the alley behind the school. “Clyde you’re such a drama queen sometimes, you don’t get attention for 2 seconds and decide we’re not boyfriends or whatever, prom is next week”, “It doesn’t fucking matter, they’re casting their votes right now aren’t they, whether or not we’re together from this point on doesn’t change the result”, Kevin was getting real sick of Clyde’s neediness, “you’re flipping a shit because I live my own life for a few days when you’ve been getting real chummy with your new best friend Stan”, “that’s not what you think it is, I was helping-”, “I don’t care what the hell you two were doing, your fear of abandonment is what’s driving us apart, if you don’t wanna be friends because I made some new ones then its better to get you out of my life sooner than later” and Kevin turned away, “Hey you don’t get to leave this argument with the last word, I do not have a fear of abandonment and also your new friends suck, so if that’s who you really wanna be friends with that says a lot about you Kevin!” Clyde yelled as Kevin ignored him and stalked away. When Clyde got home later that day his letterman jacket was sitting on his doorstep.

The rest of the week passed uneventfully, Kevin’s spot at the lunch table absent and the whole school too focused on their prom plans to notice the apparent split of the power couple. During their shared 6th period English Lit class Craig sidled up to Clyde, “Dude, what the fuck happened with you and Kev, prom is this weekend and I haven’t seen you guys talk for at least a week”, “We’re just heading in different directions” Clyde grimaced. “You make it sound like a business deal”, “wasn’t it though, we got our ten seconds of fame and the votes were cast last week”, “okay but if you guys fucking win won’t it be awkward as hell to do the royalty dance”, “fuck Craig I don’t know” and Clyde threw his head in his hands, “what’d you guys even fight about, you’re always in tune with each other” and Clyde groaned, “He basically said my fear of abandonment doesn’t mean I can freak out everytime he hangs out with someone else”, “that’s stupid, you guys have been friends forever, why would he be upset about you being clingy now”, “I may have called him a poser like the rest of them”, “God Clyde he was just excited to be accepted by other people for once, and you flipped your shit because you’re not used to sharing his attention”, “And? Isn’t that flattering or something? Shouldn’t he be proud to be the light of my life?” “Yeah but he has to want that on his own dipshit, you can’t just force him, just lay low this week and give him some space”, “when have I ever laid low Craig, i’m big, loud, and emotional”, “that’s the point, show him your maturity.” Clyde let his head fall and slam on his desk and stayed that way until the end of class. For the rest of the next week Clyde “laid low” as Craig put it. When Clyde got home on Friday he was feeling nostalgic for his friendship even though it had literally been a week since their falling out and he switched on an episode of Star Trek. Halfway through watching one of Captain Kirk’s gay little speeches about tolerance and doing the right thing Clyde realized what he had to do, and it was going to be dramatic as hell.

The night had come and Token forked up the money for a limo for all of them, Token was taking his long time on and off girlfriend Nichole, Jimmy had asked out Nancy, Jason and Scott were flying solo, and Craig and Tweek were naturally a pair. The whole week his friends had suspected something was up but didn’t say anything, Token broke the ice, “Where’s your better half Clyde?” Clyde glared at him and sat next to Craig, “First of all I am not a half, but if I was a would be the better one, and also he’s hitching a ride with Wendy’s crowd.” Token rolled his eyes at Clyde passive aggressiveness, “I hope you’re not this annoying all night.” Clyde just crossed his arm and sat back while grabbing a wine cooler in the center of the limo for some liquid courage. On the ride there Clyde took the time to take in everyone’s appearances, Token was wearing a dark plum suit that complimented his skin tone and Nichole had her hair half down and a flowing strapless kelly green gown, they were both two of the best looking people in school and it was even more obvious now. Jimmy went for the more traditional look donning a black suit and a yellow tie, he was matching Nancy who was wearing a yellow dress that showed off her breasts and flowed at her knees. Jason and Scott were being quirky and wearing the dumb and dumber suits. Craig and Tweek were more lowkey, Craig wearing black slacks and a navy blue button up and tweek had brown slacks and a green button up, he couldn’t imagine either of them wearing anything more than semi-formal anyhow. Clyde ditched his suit for some tight fitting black slacks that accentuated his ass, chunky boots, and a soft yellow sweater because he had an image he needed to portray here. They pulled up to the school and his stomach was doing somersaults, no one knew about his plan, even Craig. Everyone walked into the gym whooping and hollering, but Clyde wasn’t quite ready, of course he had memorized the script, but they weren’t gonna call prom royalty for at least another hour. So he sat by some steps on the side of the gym and recognized a familiar face, “Pete?” Pete looked up and gave Clyde a small quirk of the lips that meant it was okay if he joined him. “Dude I didn’t think i’d see you here, I thought you would say prom is for lame ass conformist wannabes who only wanna get drunk and have sex,” the other boy looked out of the side of his eye, “You’re not wrong, guess you could say I wanted to impress a girl, but as you can see i’m not doing too well at it as i’m sitting out here smoking with you” and he passed his cigarette to Clyde. Clyde laughed and took an inhale before passing it back, “Yeah I would have to agree, this is a pretty shitty way of getting a girl since there are literally none in the direct vicinity,” there was a short but not uncomfortable pause, “aren’t you supposed to be here with your boyfriend anyhow”, “I should have been, but I kind of fucked up”, “how is it when you’re around you bring out my emo side” Pete commented, “um, cuz I guess we’re both pretty hopeless huh” Clyde shrugged, “anyways tell me about your girl” and the two talked for a while before Clyde heard the tapping of a mic. “Here’s my moment Pete! Gotta go!” Pete brushed off his slacks and stood up too, “you know, if you’re so eager to go in there and make a fool of yourself then it’ll make me look a little less foolish, let’s do this” and Clyde whispered “good luck Pete” before they split apart at the entrance of the gym. Mr.Mackey was tapping the mic to get the crowd’s attention and it was working because for some God forsaken reason people were really obsessed with this prom royalty thing. Clyde had better things to worry about though as he walked up the short stairs on the side of the hastily put together stage and grabbed the mic from Mr.Mackey’s hands, “Hey guys I have an announcement-”, “Now Clyde, this is highly inappropriate”, “Mr.Mackey, if I don’t do this I will regret it for the rest of my life.” Mackey held up his hands in surrender and Clyde soldiered on before he lost any steam, If the crowd wasn’t interested before they definitely were now. Clyde almost chickened out, but then he saw Kevin’s eyes, which were caught between an accusing look and extremely curious. He also found it a relief to see Kevin wearing the navy blue suit they picked out together, how fitting. “Okay so I wrote this whole speech” and Clyde pulled a very sweaty and crumpled piece of paper out of his pocket but his hands were shaking and he dropped it. “Fuck, I didn’t need that anyways, the point is i’m making amends”, “get on with it!” a voice sounded from the crowd that kind of sounded like Cartman. Clyde ignored him because he had the mic after all and everyone else could leave for all he cared. “Kevin, I would say these past few months were the best of my life, but that’s a lie, because i’ve known you since we were 10 so that really makes the last 8 years the best time of my life.” Everyone was starting to sneak glances at Kevin. “When we agreed to fake a relationship to gain popularity and clout I didn’t realize I was also agreeing to unleashing all the feelings I’ve had for you” the crowd gasped in perfect timing, “Kevin, when we were together it just made sense to kiss you and pet your hair, you’re like an extension of my katra, even though we have our differences, things are only impossible until they’re not. It wasn’t until I lost you that I saw what I needed to see, that I can’t live without you Kevin Stoley, I would suffer through Koon-ut-kal-if-fee for you” Clyde couldn’t help a tear slipping from his eye, he was such a hopeless romantic. “This simple feeling is beyond their comprehension” and he gestured to the crowd while making eye contact with Kevin again, whose eyes seemed to be a little glassy. The rest of the crowd seemed thoroughly confused based on the amount of Star Trek references weighing down the speech and began chattering at once, paying no attention to the two men slowly gravitating towards each other. 

When Kevin had gotten ready earlier that day he put on his navy blue suit that he rented for a prom, he knew he was supposed to wear it with Clyde, but he had already rented it and he wasn’t going to waste the money for a different one. Everyone pitched in some cash and Wendy had organized a limo ride for them. Inside she was sidled up to Stan and she was in a glittering pink number, Stan had a pinstripe brown suit with a pink tie to match his date. Bebe was wearing a long fitted red dress with revealing cuts and Heidi donned a light blue dress somewhat reminiscent of Cinderella. Kyle and Cartman were arguing about something in the corner, but he had to admit the two cleaned up well, Kyle’s curls lacked their usual frizz and fell in perfect ringlets and he wore a forest green suit. Cartman had his hair gelled and wore a black suit with a green silk shirt. Butters managed to get a girl from Raisins to go with him and he wore a black suit and teal tie to match her teal mermaid dress, Mercedes I think was her name. Kenny looked suave in a burgundy suit and Kevin surprisingly noted Henrietta in a nice a-line black dress at Kenny’s side, he would have figured that if she’d gone to prom at all it would be with Pete. Kevin sidled up with Bebe and although he talked excitedly, he didn’t feel that excited, what was he even going to do when he got there, just drink punch and talk to the other people without dates hanging on the walls, well it’s what he figured he’d do since he was a freshmen anyhow. Wendy interjected, “Hey so where’s Clyde?”, “Oh uh, Craig needed help getting ready so he said he’d meet me there”, Heidi tutted “aw what a great friend he is, that’s such a good show of character, you picked a good one Kev.” Cartman rolled his eyes. Kevin didn’t know why he covered for Clyde since they were ‘broken up’ anyways, but he figured he could save that until after prom and not ruin the night before it even began. When they got to the gym Kevin made his way to the punch, but Bebe pulled him away, obviously not satisfied with Kevin’s plan, everyone already knew he could dance she pointed out, and he ended up dancing with the group. Sometime, maybe an hour later, Mackey started tapping on the mic. Soon after a familiar figure, namely one sort of kind of ex boyfriend Clyde Donovan had grabbed the mic, “Hey guys I have an announcement” Kevin hoped this wasn’t one of Clyde’s drunken escapades he was prone to, but really it wasn’t his problem. Yet when Clyde said “Mr.Mackey, if I don’t do this I will regret it for the rest of my life” he had gained Kevin’s full attention. Even though Clyde started his speech fumbling Kevin was enraptured, he knew at some point people had started staring at him and he wasn’t sure if the sweat dripping down his forehead was from dancing or the tension in the air from Clyde’s speech being obviously addressed to him, but Kevin had tunnel vision. Even though he had managed to make a lot of new friends these past few months, they didn’t compare to Clyde’s immature humour, emotionality that complimented Kevin’s own logic, and their inside jokes. Kevin kind of felt like an idiot during the last week, he should have just compromised with Clyde, he was kind of right, Kevin had been ignoring him since the height of his popularity and he could stand to make some best friend time for the two of them, but he was too stubborn to ever go back to Clyde and say that, so he just mourned the death of his most important friendship as a casualty of the end of high school. Except now that boy was professing his love for him, in a very obvious homage to Kirk and Spock in front of an entire gym of high school seniors. It didn’t really occur to Kevin that Clyde enjoyed the romantic aspect of their relationship, even if it was just for play, but the more he thought about it the more sense it made, all the touches, the jealousy, even back to when Clyde cried after Kevin told their origin story. But it seemed right and even if Kevin didn’t know a lot about genuine relationships at this point he figured it was better late than never. This wasn’t the end of their friendship, it was the start of something better. Kevin didn’t even have the decency to be embarrassed when Clyde finished his speech, this simple feeling indeed, and Kevin’s tunnel vision followed Clyde off the stage. Somehow they both ended up at the punch bowl at the corner of the room. Mackey had resumed speaking. Clyde didn’t start though, he waited to see what Kevin would say. “You really wore a yellow shirt too huh” Kevin laughed, “Yeah, so you would get the references”, “those references were so fucking obvious the Enterprise could have picked them up from space." Clyde leaned in coyly, “Hey if I was going to make a complete ass of myself I had to be sure,” Kevin looked around briefly before leaning too, “I don’t even think people knew what the fuck you were talking about Clyde”, “Good, fuck those guys, I didn’t ask anyone to prom 5 months ago except for you”, “Well is that what you had in mind all this time?” Clyde grinned, “No, this is way better” and the tension in the air disappeared. The two were silent for a moment, “Hey Clyde?” “Yeah?” “I hope you know, I have been and always shall be, your friend,” Clyde’s face fell, “just a friend?” “How about boyfriend, but like for real this time?” and Clyde’s grin could have been blinding, even in the dark musty gym. 

“And without further ado, here is this year’s royalty, welcome to the stage…. Tweek Tweak and Craig Tucker!” and the crowd went wild. “Goddamnit” Clyde muttered, “this was all bullshit orchestrated by the lizard people in the illuminati anyways” Kevin added, “Oh shut up, we never had a chance” Clyde laughed, “Hey, so you wanna ditch these fools and go to taco bell?” Kevin said, “Hell yeah” Clyde whooped and in the darkness of the gym their hands found each other in the most natural thing either of them could have expected.


End file.
